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Literature
Anxious person thing #2.
It's like I'm a guitar string that needs to be continuously tuned -- not only because I fall out of pitch so quickly, but also because the tuning itself changes keys frequently too.
And not only that, but most of life is not a monosyllabic riff. I need to be able to play a chord, all strings in tune, all in harmony with one another.
And for me that takes effort.
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Literature
Identity anxiety #5.
I feel emotional pain when being visited by memories from the past. Specifically, I feel fear.
If I don't accept the past me, I don't know how anybody else could. 
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Literature
Identity anxiety #3.
I suffer less when what I believe aligns with reality.
Reality is that I am not just one or the other, just this and not that.
In truth, I am a surprising mixture of things.
Both depressed and productive.
Both stuck in my head and making waves in the real world.
Both a homebody and a world traveler.
Both polyamorous and incredibly committed and in love.
Both anxious and incredibly capable.
I am tired of describing myself in clinical terms.
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Literature
Identity axiety #2.
I tend to be pensive but I wish to be productive.
Rescripted:
I am pensive, and I have an insatiable, immutable desire to create, to be productive. To make sense of the world using my own two hands.
But the world can't be made sense of, can it? Any semblance of sense is a fabrication. The world does not conspire for or against... anything. Or anybody.
So how do I rescript that?
How about:
I seek to contribute something, something I've made with my own two hands, that is productive and can be shared.
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Literature
Rescripting #1.
Unfortunately I am emotionally poor. For me, emotional stability is scarce to come by.
Rescripted:
Life is like this. It just is.
I hurt, I rejoice, I celebrate, I mess up, I hate myself, I forgive myself, I encourage myself, I doubt myself.
No matter what, I keep trying. Keep trying to figure it out. Keep trying to succeed, to level up, keep trying to treat myself and others better.
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Literature
Identity anxiety #1.
I want a spot. I believe there's a spot out there for me. Or, rather, I haven't given up believing in that yet.
Every attempt to make one for myself fails, too.
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Literature
Interdependence #1
Life, and especially interdependence, is not about staking claim to and hoarding chances to speak your point of view. It's about observing the other in the course of talk and interaction. 
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Literature
Being relational.
Being relational doesn't mean being emotional and being principled doesn't mean being non-emotional. In fact, I would say the opposites are more true.
The principled are far more reckless than the truly relational.
When one is principled, she runs the parts of her life that she cares about as strictly and rule-abidingly as possible. She will also tend to surround herself with like-minded people who abide by her rules, shunning those who don't.
This is all valid, a logical way to run a life intentionally, with principle and purpose.
But without balance, she is more likely to lash out with an emotional outburst at anything that might kick a prop out from underneath whatever she's working to uphold. Defensive and reactive are the modus operandi of the principled individual who lacks foresight.
Being relational, truly relational, first means recognizing that a relationship has the potential to last a lifespan, in other words for mortals, forever.
It means pacing oneself. It means patience
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Literature
Anger #4
I remember when debate was for me.
Apologetics. Perseverance. Articulation. Passion and principle.
Things that didn't prop up my way of life were always, immediately, uncompromisingly worthy to be engaged. Engaged and torn down.
This approach was not sustainable for me emotionally.
I learned that
1., I do not have the right to infringe on someone else's emotional or intellectual territory uninvited.
and 2., I have more to gain in the long run by teaching that I am a safe place for them to go -- for conversation, for venting, for expressing emotions -- than I do by shutting them down through a (mostly perceived) cerebral display of force.
I have more to gain in the now and for life by exercising my capacities for empathy and patience.
And over time, I might even be able to change their minds. I never really did so over the course of one conversation. I suspect this is more typical of the norm than die-hard debatists would have you know.
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Literature
Anger #3
There's nothing for me to be gained by debating.
Those who may see themselves as debating courageously, valiantly, with explicit precision...
They rush to deliver their points, sparing no vocabulary, observing nothing from the other side.
They don't realize they're cutting themselves off from the emotional flow of the other person in the course of  doing so.
Hasty, unrestrained, and pointed, what some call "debate" is not for me.
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Literature
Married life #3
Venting to my spouse about annoying situations and finding I no longer feel a need to bring the argument or "set the record straight" with the offending (co-offending?) party any more.
Being married* does make me both appear more sane and be more longsuffering with people.
(*t)o a compatible and likeminded partner
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Literature
Self-daming tendencies.
Self-damning positions: by definition, you get into them yourself.
If you're finding yourself in a situation where despite taking much action there are no results (which often feels like defeat, frustration, or anger), look back.
Self-damning positions originate with a belief.
You are disempowering yourself, not the other parties.
Somewhere, somehow, it could be that you're behaving and speaking in ways now that put you in a bind further down the road. Maybe, for example, you ask for permission to something that you really don't need to ask permission for, or ask for advice on things and then take all of it verbatim. There's a chance you'll get stuck -- either by giving up on your original intentions completely or engaging in a verbal wrestling match with the person you sought permission from in the first place until they see things the way you saw them originally.

It results in being left indecisive, decision-less, or completely disempowered.

In truth, you could
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Literature
Anxious person thing #2.
Thinking to myself, "I am a wake of destruction."
Every movement I make, decision I make, and good thing I want to cultivate ends in loss. This is normal.
Tragic loss, though, that could have been avoided -- that takes an unaccountable toll on one's confidence. They begin to doubt their ability to see the things they cathect through. New possibilities -- projects, pets, relationships even -- feel daunting. You are revisited by the soul crushing feeling you had when you failed before. And you opt out of things.
The feeling revisits often and even for trivial things.
I leave a box in the wrong spot temporarily without having thought pre-emptively about how its position relative to my pets could result in trouble. It was pushed to the ground and its contents, which conveniently happened to be bunny poo, rolled across the floor.

You need to wake up, be more aware, get with the program. You should have thought before about how that mess could have happened  

Because earlier th
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Literature
Anger #2
Sometimes my nature wants to be gentle and non-offending. 
Other times, she vows to further sharpen her dagger collection she stupidly left idle on a shelf. She'll never be caught off-guard again. 
I loathe the feeling of having been taken advantage of. 
Gentle as a dove, wise as a serpent, they say. 
But how do I be wise when I feel sometimes it only leads me to more reasons to be ruthless, empathy turned down and emotions turned off?
Being "wise" sounds like I am meant to look out for number one and everyone else is meant to manage the aftermath what that means on their emotions on their own.
Am I right? Is that it? 
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Literature
Ride it or resist?
Every living moment of a human being's life, unless the person is starving or in immediate danger of death in some other way, is controlled by a concern for status.
Guilty.
Now that I know, do I ride it or resist it?
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Literature
Anger is not sadness in disguise
Anger versus sadness; I've heard it said that all  anger stems from sadness.
I was never able to feel this, and though I trusted the sources who said it was so, I couldn't quite believe it either, neither on an intellectual nor experiential level.
Anger is not sadness in disguise. But the two do stem from a common source:
A sense of unjust loss.
When a lover cheats.
When a beloved pet runs away.
When what I have doesn't compare to what they have.

If there's anger there, it's valid. It doesn't have to be accompanied by sadness if sadness isn't there.
The perceived injustice of the loss is enough to make us feel something. The anger itself is enough. It is valid.
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Favourites

Abyssal  by afholdenried Abyssal :iconafholdenried:afholdenried 5 1
Literature
The power of words
The power of words
The importance of what they say
As even a single word
Is able to change someone's entire day
Be sure to give them some thought
And I don't mean they have to be clever
Just realize how even one word
Can change someone's mind for ever
:iconPriswolf:Priswolf
:iconpriswolf:Priswolf 23 20
Journal
THE LIST
A Far From Comprehensive but Still Pretty Impressive List of deviantART Literature Peeps
I've often said I keep a list of writers - now you too can have easy access to all my collection organized spreadsheet of great literature! Back when I was running StyleOverSubstance, I needed an easy way to add names for the game; and thus, I put together a list - an epic list, of every writer I know, have heard of, or ran across during my dA tenure.
(Yes, many people will fall into multiple categories - give me a break please, it's hard enough just listing four hundred names.)
People You Absolutely Must Know
aka, the people who know what's going on
LadyLincoln
HugQueen
LiliWrites
BeccaJS
neurotype
Nichrysalis
TheMaidenInBlack
chromeantennae
brennennn
ShadowedAcolyte
overdebated
Memnalar
dreamsinstatic
thorns
Rose-Em
betwixtthepages
:devblo
:iconSilverInkblot:SilverInkblot
:iconsilverinkblot:SilverInkblot 46 177
Ethereal Ink Texture Collection by GraphicAssets Ethereal Ink Texture Collection :icongraphicassets:GraphicAssets 54 2 The Devil by Valentina-Remenar The Devil :iconvalentina-remenar:Valentina-Remenar 2,297 135 First Snow by Jumei First Snow :iconjumei:Jumei 2,484 112 Rainy encounter by snatti89 Rainy encounter :iconsnatti89:snatti89 1,094 11 Wishing Well by iya-chen Wishing Well :iconiya-chen:iya-chen 1,878 24 Notes and Words by iya-chen Notes and Words :iconiya-chen:iya-chen 3,899 64
Literature
Drowning in Reverse
x. I still have your phone.
ix. The boardwalk carnival was shut down a few months later, roped off and boarded up like a condemnation of joy. The ferris wheel still rose high above the skyline, towering in silent reminder.
viii. The funeral was on a beautiful, balmy, sunny day and somehow that made it all the worse. The wind would pick up a little and ruffle your goldspun hair and I could hope, just for a moment, that you were still here.
vii. It was a cold, white room. I don't know why hospitals are so cold. Or maybe it was just me - maybe it was just me trying to siphon out all of my warmth and channel it into you.
vi. I didn't see the crowd that gathered on the beach - I barely registered the flash of red and blue lights - I only saw you, skin pale as the stretcher they were loading you on to, blue shirt stained black like a death sigil.
v. Someone was drowning. You cast an arm out pointing - there was someone out there in the dark water drifting further and further from shore.
You
:iconSilverInkblot:SilverInkblot
:iconsilverinkblot:SilverInkblot 47 56
Literature
Infertility
Infertility
"When are you two going to start working on more kids?"
It was such a simple question.  The thought behind it was innocent in design. A simple inquiry on why a thirty-one-year-old woman had only one child was one of the most dreadful conversations that I have ever had the pleasure of being part of.  
While my daughter was the light in the darkness cast by my own body's failure, my happy little family was not the societal norm.  According to my family's version of the American Dream, a man and a woman were supposed to have two children, a dog, and a white picket fence. This was a sign of success for a stay at home woman.
We were never normal. My husband and I did not marry in the conventional church.  Those aren't our beliefs.  To replace us on this orbiting rock that we call earth, we have a little girl. She is too smart for her age, wanting to watch video games that are ahead of her time and writing a story
:iconNewYorkNovelist:NewYorkNovelist
:iconnewyorknovelist:NewYorkNovelist 343 124
Arcanine Sprite by cutgut Arcanine Sprite :iconcutgut:cutgut 2,467 0 Lake by ashwara Lake :iconashwara:ashwara 535 32 In a field by ashwara In a field :iconashwara:ashwara 87 6 crow by kalkulation crow :iconkalkulation:kalkulation 987 31 cyclone by kalkulation cyclone :iconkalkulation:kalkulation 1,627 48

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It's like I'm a guitar string that needs to be continuously tuned -- not only because I fall out of pitch so quickly, but also because the tuning itself changes keys frequently too.

And not only that, but most of life is not a monosyllabic riff. I need to be able to play a chord, all strings in tune, all in harmony with one another.

And for me that takes effort.
I feel emotional pain when being visited by memories from the past. Specifically, I feel fear.

If I don't accept the past me, I don't know how anybody else could. 
I suffer less when what I believe aligns with reality.

Reality is that I am not just one or the other, just this and not that.

In truth, I am a surprising mixture of things.

Both depressed and productive.

Both stuck in my head and making waves in the real world.

Both a homebody and a world traveler.

Both polyamorous and incredibly committed and in love.

Both anxious and incredibly capable.

I am tired of describing myself in clinical terms.
I tend to be pensive but I wish to be productive.

Rescripted:

I am pensive, and I have an insatiable, immutable desire to create, to be productive. To make sense of the world using my own two hands.

But the world can't be made sense of, can it? Any semblance of sense is a fabrication. The world does not conspire for or against... anything. Or anybody.

So how do I rescript that?

How about:

I seek to contribute something, something I've made with my own two hands, that is productive and can be shared.
Unfortunately I am emotionally poor. For me, emotional stability is scarce to come by.

Rescripted:

Life is like this. It just is.

I hurt, I rejoice, I celebrate, I mess up, I hate myself, I forgive myself, I encourage myself, I doubt myself.

No matter what, I keep trying. Keep trying to figure it out. Keep trying to succeed, to level up, keep trying to treat myself and others better.

Journal

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deviantID

ArtfulBalance

Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
People's Republic of China
Appreciating my writing was hard because I didn't have any respect for my past self.

As a result, I could barely accept anything I made in the moment, whether it be art, work, writing. Even a social media post felt daunting -- what if I am embarrassing myself? What if I look back on this in the future and I am ashamed? What if people find this and it's how they define me and I don't want to own it?

Realizing this helped me decide: I should write, and I should look back on my writing with appreciation, or even reverence. It had defined a period of my life. And it had led me here.

I originally joined DeviantArt in around 2005. I was about twelve then. It captured my imagination.

I decided to come back. I feel the community of anonymity suits me and where I am. And I feel that it's a place where one can be shameless.
Interests

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:iconslyeyce:
SlyeYce Featured By Owner 7 hours ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Bless you, I hope you are feeling better in the present :heart:
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:iconartfulbalance:
ArtfulBalance Featured By Owner 7 hours ago  New Deviant Hobbyist Writer
Thank you (: today is a hard day. I try to remind myself: 

I feel alone, and I also love to reach out and get connected, like here on dA. And you just made that happen for me. So thank you.
Reply
:iconslyeyce:
SlyeYce Featured By Owner 6 hours ago  Hobbyist General Artist
It's a pleasure. I know being lonely in life and everything is hard as I've been struggling with it fairly often. But if it's not ending on a good not that means it's not the end, and meeting people throughout the journey can only help❤
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:iconpriswolf:
Priswolf Featured By Owner Jun 7, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thanks for the fav and the watch :D
Reply
:iconartfulbalance:
ArtfulBalance Featured By Owner 9 hours ago  New Deviant Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the great work (: (Sorry for my delay, been sick as a hussy)
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